Lush & Lovely (Big & Beautiful Book 2) Read online

  I took a deep breath, knowing that was the easy part. “After we’d been dating for a few months we started talking about having sex. We were both virgins but all our friends were doing it. I wasn’t sure if I was ready, but I let BJ talk me into it. I was that stupid girl who thought I had to have sex with him to keep him happy, like it was my job to make sure he was happy.”

  Aidan squeezed me tighter and nuzzled into my hair. I could feel the tension in his body from the clenched muscles in his arms and chest to the jumping ones in his thighs.

  “We had sex a couple of times but I didn’t like it. He wasn’t like you. He never cared about me enjoying it so it always hurt. After the second time I told him I didn’t want to have sex anymore. He said it was okay and I thought we were good.”

  I took another deep breath. Aidan’s body grew more tense and I could tell he knew what was coming next.

  “A few weeks later we went away for spring break with his parents. They were good friends with my parents and they knew we were dating so they all said yes, knowing his parents wouldn’t let anything happen. One night they went out to dinner and left BJ and me at the hotel alone. We watched a movie and were kissing. He said he wanted to have sex again. I told him I didn’t want to but he kept egging me on. I told him no and he said I couldn’t tell him no. That I was his girlfriend and I was going to screw him whether I liked it or not. I tried to leave but he was bigger than me. He pinned me down. I kicked and fought him but he flipped me over onto my stomach so I couldn’t reach him. He held me down and he raped me. I cried the whole time it was happening and when he let me up I hid in the bathroom until his parents got back. I spent the rest of the trip with his mom, but didn’t tell anyone what happened until we got home and I told Mandy. She convinced me to talk to my mom and we went to the police.”

  Aidan’s muscles loosened ever so slightly at the mention of the police.

  “BJ never went to jail. There was no evidence and it was simply his word against mine. On top of that, it happened out of town so the local police didn’t have jurisdiction or some shit.”

  Aidan tensed around me again, his arms locked around me.

  “I went through counseling and I’ve tried to put it behind me, but I’ve never been close to another man. I haven’t let myself close to anyone. He was the first guy I ever trusted and he betrayed me in the worst way. I know you’re not like him, but I’m still scared. I haven’t been able to get on a plane since because of him. It was my first and only trip that we went on a plane. My therapist said I associate airplanes with him and am afraid to fly because of what happened. I don’t know what it is but the thought of getting on a plane makes my throat close up and I start to panic.”

  Aidan wiped away tears I didn’t know had fallen. He cupped my face in his hands and pressed a kiss lightly to my lips. “Thank you for telling me about that. I’m sorry you had to go through it and that I made you relive it all over again. I am not like him and I never will be. The idea of forcing myself on anyone, ever, makes me sick, and the thought that you lived through that makes me want to punch something really hard. I have to know, is he local?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure. I have a retraining order against him, but I don’t keep up with where he is. He won’t get anywhere near me.”

  “I won’t let him. Ever. He’s not going to hurt you again, and if he even thinks about it I’ll kill him.”

  “I know. And I’m sorry I’m having trouble letting you in. I just worry. It’s hard being so close to you and-“

  “Claire, you never have to apologize for how you feel. We’re good. I promise. It’s going to take me a little while to be okay with leaving you alone again, but I’ll try to get over my anxiety of anyone ever hurting you again.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “You don’t have to worry about it anymore. Fat girls don’t get raped. I was a skinny little cheerleader when it happened. No one wants fat girls, that’s part of why I gained the weight. If I’m not attractive, I don’t have to worry.”

  “Don’t ever say that about yourself. Claire, you are beautiful. I don’t want you to have to worry, but the truth is anyone who would think about something like raping a person is a sick fucking bastard. People like that don’t deserve to share the same air as you. But please, baby, don’t tell me you aren’t attractive because you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”

  I snuggled against him a little tighter and wrapped my arms around him. I couldn’t say anything without risking crying so I just grabbed the remote and turned on the Yankees game knowing it was his favorite team. Slowly Aidan relaxed and so did I.

  Sixteen

  After the game we walked Brownie one last time then returned to my apartment. A heaviness settled over us when we got back inside, like the moment had changed and we needed to deal with it.

  I turned to face Aidan and saw the same uncomfortable expression on his face. We planned for him to stay the night with me and after everything I’d shared with him about BJ, I wanted him with me. I couldn’t imagine watching him walk away and being alone with so many memories still swirling through my head.

  “Let’s go to sleep,” Aidan said. His voice was heavy with sleep, or maybe desire. It didn’t matter. He was tired. I could see it in the way he carried himself, in the way his eyes drooped as he looked at me.

  I nodded and led the way to my bedroom. It struck me that Aidan had never seen my room. I flipped on the light and wondered if he would be put off by Brownie’s large bed in the corner, my pink and blue striped bedspread, or the clothes all over the place. Including the bra I threw off earlier. I quickly worked through the room and tried to pick up my clothes but Aidan grabbed my hand.

  “Don’t clean up for me. I’m here for you, and this is you. You don’t have to hide who you are.”

  Relieved I tossed the clothes into the air and they rained down on us, the cup of my bra getting stuck on Aidan’s head. Mortified didn’t even begin to describe how I felt, but he pulled it off and looked at it before raising his eyebrow to me.

  “I definitely like it better on the floor,” he said seductively.

  My entire body erupted in goosebumps as Aidan pulled me into his arms. My arms slid around his neck and I stretched toward him as his lips came down on mine. My nipples stood up to rub against his chest and my panties dampened at the brush of his erection against my belly.

  Our kiss started out sweet and soft, a gentle kiss that didn’t have to lead anywhere. But when Aidan’s hands spread out across my back, his fingers reaching from the waistband of my shorts to the base of my neck, I knew I couldn’t resist him anymore.

  I leaned into him, rubbing myself against his erection like a dog in a pile of leaves. He groaned into my mouth and his hands tightened on me, one hand drifting lower to cup my ass. I pulled him closer and moaned against him, my lips parting for his tongue.

  His tongue thrust into my mouth as his hips thrust against me. He felt so good. I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted him to love me, to make love to me. I needed him.

  I held tight to him with one hand and let the other fall from his neck to run over his chest and stomach. His muscles jumped under my touch, trembling through his shirt. His heart beat faster and his hands drifted up and down my back, eventually working their way toward my breasts.

  At the edge of his shirt I pulled it up and dragged my nails over his bare skin. He jerked against me, his erection digging into my round belly. His shirt came up with my hands, exposing more and more of his firm body and soft skin. He broke our kiss and tore his shirt free, throwing it behind him before bringing his mouth back down to mine.

  His kisses turned frenzied, anxious, and impatient. His mouth travelled from my lips to my ear, making me moan into his hair as my fingers tightened in it. My other hand found his chest and outlined his pecs before dancing over his erect nipples. I gently squeezed one and his teeth came down on my earlobe and his hips crashed into mine.

  “Fuck, baby. You feel s
o good,” he growled into my ear. His tongue traced the outline of his teeth marks on my flesh and he kept moving, his tongue leaving a line cooling against my skin as he moved down my neck. I tweaked his nipple again, wanting a reaction out of him, and was rewarded this time with Aidan frantically trying to pull my shirt off.

  He finally freed it from me and dropped his head to close over my bare nipple. My head fell back as a moan slipped from my lips. Aidan held me up, his hands wrapped tightly around my waist as I leaned back, exposing my breasts to him.

  The torture of his mouth on me was excruciating. He sucked, licked, and kissed my nipples until they were throbbing to the same beat that was pounding between my legs. I ached, dying to have him touch me, to let me feel the release my body was begging for.

  Aidan spun me and guided me backward toward my bed. When my knees hit the edge of my mattress, I pulled him down on top of me. With our legs hanging over the edge and our bodies pressed tight together we broke into laughter. Aidan rolled off me, his deep rumbling laugh vibrating through my body and making me want him even more.

  “I got carried away. I’m sorry, honey.”

  I propped myself up on my elbow and looked down on him. “You did no such thing. It was perfect. It still is,” I whispered as I leaned over him and closed my teeth around his nipple. His hands fisted in my hair and his moan shook my entire body.

  I twisted his other nipple in my fingers, loving being able to make such a powerful and sexy man tremble. He was moaning and his hips were bucking and I wondered if he was going to come in his shorts. Before I could reach for him he flipped us and pinned me beneath his large body, and extra large cock.

  His cock dug into my leg while Aidan gave my nipples the same treatment I’d given his. I arched off the bed, throbbing with need. Aidan reached between us and slid his hand in my shorts, under my panties to my wet center. He swiped over me once, making me cry out and arch into his hand. Frustrated I tugged my shorts and panties off. Aidan’s fingers entered me as his teeth pinched my nipple. The pleasure and pain mixed to create an explosive reaction. My hips flew off the bed and my hands reached out for something to grab, to hold on to as an orgasm sparked through my body.

  Under his careful manipulation, darkness fell around me, blocking out everything except Aidan’s fingers on me, in me, his mouth on me, his body hovering over mine. “I need you, Aidan. I need all of you. Will you make love to me?”

  Aidan froze faster than my tongue on a metal pole at Christmas. With fingers still inside me, my nipple in his mouth, and his erection hard against my leg, he stopped moving, stopped breathing.

  “We don’t have to Claire. If you’re not ready we never have to do anything.”

  My brain heard his words and reinterpreted them to say, ‘I don’t really want to sleep with you, I’m just here to get off a few times. And making love is not going to happen. I might fuck you, but that’s it.’

  Instantly I pulled away. I scooted up my bed, his fingers pulling out of me as I moved away from him, his body sliding out of contact with mine. “This was a mistake. I think you should go.”

  “Claire, please don’t do that. Nothing with us is a mistake. I want you, God so bad. But I don’t want you to make this decision while we’re fooling around and end up regretting it. I want to know this is what you really want. That you’re really ready for it.”

  “You just don’t want me. It’s okay, I understand. But I think you should go.”

  He crawled over to me, his arms flexing and bulging as he got closer and closer to me. “Honey, I’ve been so hard today that I could have built a house for all the nails I could pound. There’s nothing I want more than I want you. But I’d never forgive myself if I took advantage of you. I’ve told you that before. I didn’t even bring condoms because we hadn’t talked about sex. If you are serious and you are ready, we can wait until the next time we’re together. Make sure we’re safe. It’ll kill me not to have you, believe me, but I won’t risk you being hurt.”

  “I’ve been thinking about this for a while. It’s what I want, but I don’t want to wait. I want you now. I’m on birth control, I have been for a while. I’m clean, I’ve been tested. And if you’re…”

  “Yes, baby, I’ve been tested. I would never put you at risk, I’m clean too. But are you sure? Is this really what you want?”

  I bit my lip and nodded my head. Aidan didn’t need more encouragement, he leaned in and kissed me again. He tugged the sheet I’d pulled around my body free and broke our kiss. He looked down at me and whispered, “You’re beautiful Claire. I always want you. Every second of every fucking day I want you. I can’t live with you doubting that.”

  I looked up at him and saw sincerity and pure lust in his eyes. I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him and nothing was going to stop us. “Just kiss me,” I told him. He smiled and was happy to do so.

  His tongue swept through my mouth, starting our night over again with a gentle kiss. He sat in front of me on his knees, his big hands cupping my cheeks. I felt like I could sit like that and kiss him forever, learning the feel of every part of his tongue, the dips in his mouth, the grooves of his teeth. I wanted to know every inch of his body, and there were a lot of inches I was especially looking forward to getting to know better.

  At the thought, my inner seductress, someone I didn’t even know existed until that moment, stood up and took control. My hand went up to Aidan’s chest and pushed him back until he was sitting back on his legs, looking at me. A sleepy, sexy look hooded his eyes and he sat there confused.

  I crawled up to my knees and knelt right in front of him, placing my breasts at his eye level. He looked up at me and I raised my eyebrows at him then looked down at my full breasts. His mouth followed my eyes and I watched as he closed his lips over my nipple. He kissed it softly, rolling my nipple between his lips before pulling it into his mouth. Captive between the roof of his mouth and his tongue my nipple peaked and pulled the rest of my body closer to him.

  Aidan’s hands cupped the heavy weight of my breasts and pulled them together, his mouth moving with the one, until both nipples were together. He took the second one into his mouth and he bit sharply into them, pleasure shooting straight between my legs. I moaned and reached for him, my hands finding his chest. I twisted his nipples as he nibbled mine, both of us panting and desperate after only a few minutes.

  Aidan gently pushed me back to the bed and stood up to remove his shorts and boxer briefs. With his beautiful body naked before me I wondered if I’d made a huge error in judgement. There was no way he was going to fit.

  When Aidan returned to the bed I expected him to go for the gold, but instead he started at my toes. He kissed each toe, then grazed his teeth over the arch of each foot, which somehow made me arch off the bed. He kept kissing me, going over my heel, nipping at the tendon running down the back of my ankle, running his tongue under my ankle at a surprisingly sensitive spot.

  “You look so beautiful from down here. I love seeing you, wet and waiting for me. I can’t wait to taste you.”

  “What are you talking about? I thought we agreed we were going to make love?” I asked.

  He kissed my calves, massaging both gently with his hands as his mouth drifted over my skin. “We are, but I’ve been waiting so long for this that I’m going to take my time. I want to make sure you remember every last little bit of this. I want to know how every inch of your skin tastes, where every sensitive spot on you is, and how every part of you feels. I’m going to worship you tonight Claire, because it’s what you deserve and it’s what I’ve been dying to do.”

  “Why?” I blurted out.

  “Because you’re amazing. And because I don’t want any other man to enter your thoughts when I’m in your bed. I’m not like him and I never will be, and I won’t be able to do this if I think there’s a chance you could compare us. And because I want you to always think of me when you think of amazing sex. I am going to ruin you for other men. You won’t be able to think a
bout the letters S, E, or X without thinking about what I’m doing to you right now.”

  He punctuated his final statement with a firm thrust of his fingers into me. It was quickly followed by his tongue sliding up from my core to my clit. I moaned deeply. My legs fell apart and my body melted into the bed. I knew he was only going to wind me up from there, but my God did he feel good.

  His free hand reached up for mine, wrapping our fingers together and resting our hands on my belly. All my thoughts, all my worries, washed away while Aidan toyed with me. His mouth and his hand worked together, my hips moving with his rhythm as he spun me higher and higher into the stratosphere.

  Just when I thought he couldn’t push me higher he curled his fingers inside me and pressed harder. I cried out as my body leapt off the edge of the cliff. I spun, free-falling into oblivion, as my hips rocked into his face, into his hand, one orgasm after another claiming me.

  The darkness was replaced by Aidan, hovering over me, his hand stroking my cheek. I felt his erection between my legs, brushing my overly sensitive skin. My hips arched up toward him and he groaned and closed his eyes. When he opened them again he asked, “Are you okay?”

  “God, yes,” I breathed. “You’re amazing.”

  “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

  “Yes, I’m positive.”

  Aidan leaned down and kissed me softly. He pushed himself up to his knees and positioned himself at my entrance. As he leaned back over me he slid just barely inside, enough to know he was there but not enough. Not nearly enough.

  His eyes locked on mine and I shifted my hips, trying to get him deeper inside. He answered with his own hip shift and slid in a bit further, my skin stretching to accommodate for his extra-largeness. Another shift and he slid in a bit more, then more, then more.

  I knew he was going slow to be careful of me, but the slowness was killing me. I shifted my hips again, desperate to feel all of him inside me and he cracked, thrusting hard into me.