Plump & Pretty Page 19

  When the waiter came by and offered us dessert Connor ordered two slices of cheesecake for us. I smiled that he remembered I loved the sweet dessert. I’d miss him. But I wouldn’t hold him back.

  I cut into my cheesecake and froze when Connor said, “So, do you want to come with me to look for a place to live or do you want me to deal with it alone?”

  “Why would you want me to come Connor?”

  He shrugged. “I just figured you’d want to help me pick out a place for us. If you want me to find our new place, that’s fine. I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.”

  He was joking, right?

  “Did you say for us?”

  Connor cocked his head at me. “Yeah, of course for us. I guess if you wanted your own place we could make it work, but if you’re moving to Chicago with me I just assumed we’d live together.”

  “Wait. Moving. Chicago. What?”

  Connor laughed and leaned back in his seat. “I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t realize you needed me to ask you. I just assumed you knew I’d want you to come with me. Why wouldn’t I?”

  It was a joke. Some sick and twisted joke. Connor couldn’t honestly believe I’d leave behind everything I knew, my family and friends, my new business. Yeah, I loved him, but if I followed him around and gave up everything that made me me would it be worth it?

  “Connor, I can’t move to Chicago.”

  “Why not?”

  “I just… I can’t. I have a life here. My family is here and my friends. I’m buying READ in a couple weeks. How can I just up and leave everything behind?”

  Connor’s jaw twitched. He leaned back in his seat and sipped his wine. I could see his brain working and I waited for what he would say. I knew it wasn’t going to be good.

  “I guess I thought I would be enough for you.”

  “Connor, don’t say that,” I argued. “You are enough.”

  “No, Riley, I’m not. I wanted to be, but I’m not. I thought you loved me and I hoped we would be together. I guess I was wrong.”

  Tears slipped from the corners of my eyes. The anger in his voice broke my heart, but I didn’t know how to ease the pain we were both feeling. I couldn’t tell him he was enough because he wasn’t. I wasn’t the type of person who could be happy just sitting by and letting the man in my life do everything. I needed a job, I needed friends, I needed my family. Yes, I wanted Connor too, but I’d survived 28 years without him in my life. I could survive without him.

  But I didn’t want to.

  “Connor, I want everything. I want you, but I don’t want to leave my sisters or my parents or my friends. I’m about to buy READ. You know that. I don’t want to lose you, but we never talked about leaving the area. I didn’t even know you had an interview until the day before you left. I’m proud of you. You should be proud of what you’ve done, but it’s hard for me to go from we’re dating to we’re moving in an hour.”

  Connor just sat back and stared at me. “Don’t worry about it, Riley. I never should have put this on you. We should go.”

  Connor drove me home but we didn’t speak. I wasn’t sure how to close the chasm that developed between us. I loved him. I knew that without questions. But I wasn’t prepared to give up everything else in my life. To give up my dream.

  I invited Connor in to talk when we got to my house, but he said he had a lot to do before he left. I knew I’d never see him again and it killed me, but I wasn’t ready to give everything up. I loved him, and I knew that meant I couldn’t hold him back any more than I’d let him hold me back.

  Twenty-Six

  I spent most of the weekend second guessing my decision. I wanted to call Connor a hundred times, but I didn’t. I still wasn’t prepared to say I’d leave my family and friends and give up my dreams for him. I’d be starting over again if I left. Having Connor with me would make it easier to adjust to a new city, but it was hard to imagine not being able to see my parents and sisters and friends every week.

  By Tuesday night at girls’ night I had no clue if I’d done the right thing letting him go. I tortured myself listening to his radio show Monday and Tuesday mornings. He didn’t mention anything about leaving, but I didn’t really expect him to spill his guts on a show that talked about sports.

  I pulled into the parking lot at Bite Me! and checked my eyes. Not one to wear a lot of make-up it was pretty obvious I’d been crying. I didn’t want to let him go, but I knew I needed to. For him. And for me. But that didn’t mean I had to like it.

  When I walked into Bite Me! the normal appeal didn’t reach me. The sugary smell made me think of all the muffins and cupcakes Connor brought me over the weeks we were together. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to sit there and pretend everything was okay. No, that’s not true. I was sure… sure that I’d lose it in front of everyone.

  “No Connor this week?” Charlie asked when I stopped in front of the counter. My lip trembled and my eyes filled with tears. I tried to suck in a breath but couldn’t get it past the lump in my throat. Charlie came around the edge of the counter and led me to our usual table where everyone already was sitting. Even Mandy and Carrie.

  “What happened?” Carrie asked when Charlie guided me into the chair next to her. “Did Connor do something?”

  I shook my head, but I couldn’t force any words out. They all waited patiently while I pulled myself together and caught my breath. Once I did I picked at my nails while I told them all what happened with Connor four nights earlier.

  “I wondered why I hadn’t seen him. I’m so sorry, Riles,” Charlie said, setting a plate of cupcakes in front of me. I looked down at my favorite cupcakes and wasn’t sure I could even choke them down. Nothing appealed to me anymore. I knew I’d never eat cheesecake again without thinking of the cheesecake I didn’t get to eat as Connor and I imploded.

  “That really sucks,” Carrie said.

  I looked at her closely. “You didn’t like him. Why aren’t you jumping for joy?”

  Carrie smiled kindly at me. “I didn’t like that he was willing to attack one person, but I thought about what you guys said and what Sam went through when she joined Dave’s Gym. If someone is a bully they don’t deserve to get bullied, but it’s sort of like when kids first get teeth and start biting people. Usually when they get bit they realize it hurts and they stop. Connor was just biting back.”

  I snorted knowing Carrie was the only person who would compare his behavior to that of a toddler. “Yeah, well, I’ll never know about that. Jeez, I was planning my life with him. We had a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago. He told me he loved me when he found out I wasn’t pregnant.”

  “When he found out you weren’t?” Claire asked.

  I nodded. “Yeah. He said when he thought I could be pregnant he realized he loved me but didn’t want to tell me and have me think he was only saying it because of the possible pregnancy. We’d been talking about kids. I really thought he was it, as foolish as that was.”

  “It wasn’t foolish. Talking about kids is a huge deal, even if it’s sparked by a possible pregnancy. Mike and I talked about kids, but neither of us are interested. We like not having the responsibility.”

  “Brady doesn’t want kids. I have some work to do with him.”

  “We’re not very good at preventing a pregnancy, but we’re open to kids if we get pregnant. Of course with Xander and Drew looking at opening XD Designs soon it’s probably not a good idea to be thinking about kids at the same time.”

  “We’ve been trying for a while,” Addi confessed quietly. “Joey and I both want kids so we’ve been trying since we got engaged.”

  “How did I not know that?” Sam asked her best friend. Addi shrugged, but I could tell there was more to it than Addi was saying in front of everyone.

  I listened to my friends talk around me. Surrounded by them, even if they weren’t consoling me, made me happy. I needed them. I wouldn’t have had that if I moved to Chicago. I had dreamt of owning READ for years, but if I was honest with
myself, I dreamt of finding love much longer than that. I wanted READ, but I needed my friends. If there was a way to have Connor and my family and friends, I’d give up READ. I knew it with absolute certainty.

  “Am I crazy for not going with him?” I blurted out.

  Seven heads swung toward me and everyone started talking at once.

  “You do love him.”

  “But he didn’t even ask you.”

  “How can you give up your life here?”

  “I can’t imagine not having you around.”

  I sucked in a breath and tried to tell myself I’d made the right choice. “That’s all the same things I’ve been telling myself since Friday. I love him, but I love you guys too. And I love my family. And I love my job. How do you choose what you love the most?”

  Seven confused faces looked back at me. “I don’t think you can, Riles,” Mandy said. “Especially at this point in your relationship. Xander and I have been married six months and if he applied for a job in Chicago we’d talk before he even applied if it was something we would consider. It’s hard to step back and be okay with Connor going for an interview without even talking to you first.”

  “He told me he had an interview.”

  “But did he talk to you about it before he scheduled it or was it more like, ‘Hey, I’ll be gone for a few days.’ If it’s the second one then he didn’t really consider you before he decided to go for the job.”

  “It’s more than that though,” Claire interjected. “Men can be dense at times. Aidan bought us a house and booked an expensive trip without telling me. It was hard to accept he made decisions for me without asking for my input, but he did it for us. What Connor’s doing is a little different, but I think not asking is only the beginning, isn’t it?”

  I nodded knowing Claire was right. “It is. Connor isn’t taking this job because he really wants it. He seems like he’s taking it to piss off his father. He said something about his dad telling him he’d never amount to anything and that sports wasn’t going to do anything for him. I think he just wants to rub it in his dad’s face that he was wrong, and I struggle with that.”

  “Brady dealt with a lot of the same stuff. His dad told him he’d never amount to anything. It really messes with their heads to grow up believing they aren’t worthwhile. I feel bad for Connor. I understand why Brady stayed in touch with him and why you fell in love with him. I agree that the way he did everything, just assuming you’d move with him, wasn’t good, but I honestly think he just focused on hurting his dad and didn’t realize he would be hurting you also. Plus, him saying he wasn’t enough for you goes straight back to everything his dad probably ever told him. Brady had a lot of the same issues. Unfortunately, Riles, there’s no easy fix.”

  “That’s what I was afraid of.”

  “You’ll figure it out. Connor loves you. He’s never had that before. He’s not going to let go of it easily. It might take him a while to pull his head out of his ass, but he’ll do it eventually.”

  I truly hoped Sam was right, but I wasn’t sure it mattered. Connor still wanted to move to Chicago and I didn’t. No amount of loving each other could change that.

  ~*~

  When I got home that night I felt like I’d gone to Dave’s Gym instead of Bite Me! I was worn out and ready for bed. I’d finally managed to eat the cupcakes Charlie gave me, but that was all I’d eaten for the day. The sugar was pulsing through my system, giving me a headache and making me feel a little sick.

  I pulled in my driveway and my heart leapt when I saw a black car there. At first I thought it might be Connor’s but then I saw the figure on my front porch and I knew my night wasn’t even close to over.

  “What are you doing sitting out in the cold, Jamie?”

  I heard the telltale sniffle as she stood and my heart plummeted. Jamie and Chase had been together for so long I never imagined anything could tear them apart, but I’d also never had my sister sitting on my front porch in the dark. Crying.

  “Can we go inside to talk?” she asked through the tears.

  I nodded and unlocked the door, flipping on lights as we walked into the house. “Did you bring home any cupcakes?” Jamie asked as we sat on the couch. I shook my head and she confessed, “I’d never hurt my kid, but I could use a glass of wine right now. Or six. I was hoping you had cupcakes. It would be a reasonable substitute.”

  “What’s going on?” I asked, trying to stop the rambling that I knew wouldn’t get us anywhere. “Did something happen with Chase?”

  Her trembling lip and watery eyes told me I’d hit the nail on the head, but I had no idea what he’d done. I was seriously considering the possibilities for dismembering the father of my sister’s children when she blurted out, “He lost his job.”

  “His new job? Did he already quit the old one? Or will they take him back?”

  Jamie shook her head as I talked, confusing me. I had no idea what she was talking about.

  “Not the new job. His old job.”

  “But he got a new job. What difference does it make?”

  “He lost it a year ago,” she blurted out.

  My ears rung and my heart sunk. “Holy shit,” I whispered.

  “Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction too.”

  “How did you find out?”

  Jamie sighed and I knew it wasn’t going to be good. “We got a letter today. From the bank. If we don’t pay all the back mortgage payments, plus taxes, plus interest, plus plus plus, then they’re going to take the house.”

  Shit.

  “Why did he do that? Why didn’t he tell you about the job and everything?”

  Jamie shrugged. “He said he lost his job a few weeks after I’d had Grayson. He thought he could get something else right away so he didn’t tell me at first. They gave him a severance package and insurance for three months. He thought he’d have something in that time.”

  “And when he didn’t, why didn’t he talk to you?”

  Jamie shook her head. “I was having trouble with Grayson. He didn’t sleep well and I was up all hours. I wasn’t sleeping and I was crabby all the time. Chase said he was waiting for a time when I was in a good mood but that never came.”

  “He’s blaming you?” I asked, ready to castrate the man.

  Jamie rolled her eyes. “I know, right. It was my fault he lost his job and lied to me for a year.”

  “So where did he go for a year?”

  Jamie sighed heavily. “He said he went to the library every day and looked for jobs. He’d go on interviews. He even considered getting a job at a coffee shop or something, but he kept telling himself something would come along.”

  “But it never did.”

  Jamie shook her head. “He ran out of money to pay the mortgage six months ago. He figured out how much the bills were to keep heat and water and all that on, but he didn’t have enough to pay the mortgage. We always used a credit card for groceries and everything, but he was only paying the minimum balance. I couldn’t understand why he kept putting off getting our taxes done. Jeez, I’ve been so blind.”

  “Don’t beat yourself up, Jame. He’s the one who lied to you. He may have had a good reason to do it, but it wasn’t your fault that he did.”

  Jamie nodded. “I know. I keep telling myself that, but it’s so hard. I just let him handle everything. I mean, I never imagined something like this would happen, you know? How could my husband not tell me he didn’t have a job to go to for a full year? I’m such an idiot.”

  Jamie stood and paced my living room. I worried about my sisters, but Jamie being pregnant always worried me more than anything else. The way she was pacing and the tone of her voice put me on high alert. I didn’t want her to lose the baby because I wasn’t sure she could forgive Chase for that. As it was, their relationship was going to be rocky for a while, but Jamie loved him. She always had and I knew she wouldn’t give up on him over something like that. Even though it hurt.

  “What do you need, Jamie? How can I h
elp make this better? You know I’ll do anything for you and Chase and for Skyla and Grayson.”

  Jamie bit her lip and slowed her pacing. She was nervous. I could see it in the way she suddenly couldn’t keep her hands still. “I wouldn’t ask, Riley, you know that. I hate to even ask you, but it’s the kids. To uproot them and move in with Mom and Dad or try to get into a rental. I don’t even know what we would have to do-“

  “Jame, what do you need?” I asked even though I knew the answer.

  “Money.”

  Twenty-Seven

  I sucked in a quick breath. Jamie wouldn’t go to our parents because they wouldn’t help. Plus, Dad was retiring soon. She couldn’t ask them for money because Dad would have to keep working.

  Sophie had money too, but she was younger than both of us. Even if she’d saved everything, she still wasn’t likely to have as much cash on hand as I did.

  The cash I had saved for buying READ.

  “How much do you need?”

  Jamie fished a letter from her purse and handed it to me. A quick scan of the letterhead showed the bank details and further down I read the value owed within a week. Or further action would take place.

  It was almost everything I’d saved for READ.

  “Can I keep this?” I asked her.

  “Yeah. I know this is huge, Riles. You know I wouldn’t ask if we had any other option. Chase blew through all our savings. We’ve got nothing left. His new job starts soon and he’ll be making more than he was before. We’ll pay you back. With interest.”

  I forced myself to smile at my sister. None of it was her fault, but I knew I couldn’t let her kids lose their house. If it was just Chase I’d gladly let him suffer, but my niece and nephew didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. I meant it when I told Jamie I’d do anything for them.

  I nodded at Jamie and folded the letter back up. “I’ll talk to the bank tomorrow. We’ll get this taken care of. And tell Chase he owes me.”