Better vs. Worse Read online

  “Still surfing. You know me. Living life on the water.”

  “We’re just a couple screw-ups, aren’t we?” Alvin said with a laugh. “My sister tells me all the time that I should do more with my life than serve drinks, but she doesn’t get it.”

  The mention of Ada and her reservations about any man without a traditional job that afforded certain luxuries turned my stomach.

  “I love your sister, but she doesn’t have nearly enough fun.”

  Alvin laughed. “I tell her the same thing. She says she’s happy with her life, though. I think she’s crazy.”

  I nodded, thinking about the woman in the parking lot. She was definitely not happy with her life. That Ada was damaged. I damaged her.

  “Maybe she’ll find someone who makes her happy. Brings a little excitement to her life,” I forced out, hating myself for every word. I wanted her to be happy, but dammit, I didn’t want her to be happy with someone else.

  And I was an asshole for it.

  Alvin snorted. “She has the worst taste in men. I don’t think she could pick a good one if you paid her to. I don’t know what it is, but my sister can’t find a decent guy for anything. I’ve almost given up hope that she’ll end up with someone who will treat her right, let alone someone who will bring her that excitement we’re talking about. The one she’s been dating the last few months seems good enough. He checks all those boxes she wants a guy to check. You know, good job, clean-cut, nice, boring. Nothing like us. I figure a guy like this one might be what she needs. At least I know he won’t hurt her.”

  I nodded, unable to choke out any words. I didn’t know she was seeing someone. Or rather, that she never stopped seeing the guy from before.

  It didn’t matter, though. Alvin was right. Ada had shitty taste in men. Mostly because she wanted me, and I was all kinds of wrong for her. Everyone knew it.

  Which meant I needed to just stay away. It was the best thing I could do for her. Let her go on with her life with the perfect guy who wouldn’t hurt her and stay as far away from her as I could get. She said she was done with me. I needed to find a way to be done with her.

  Chapter Two

  I stayed around the edges of the reception all night. The alcohol was flowing freely thanks to Alvin’s heavy-handedness and a line of limos ready to take the entire wedding back to their hotels. The few times I caught sight of Kiki, she was smiling, so it was a good night.

  As long as I ignored the beautiful woman flirting with every male in the place. Except me, of course. She steered clear of me.

  I did my job and tried not to notice. I smiled at the bridesmaids, barely noticing how attractive they were. I handed out food and drinks and cleared tables and directed people to the bathroom. I smiled and put on a happy face.

  And I wanted to kill myself.

  Did she have to flirt with every guy? I mean, really? Every one. She was dating someone.

  “You’re looking awfully annoyed tonight,” Jack said by way of hello. “What has your attention so snared? Or should I say who?”

  Jack followed my gaze and snickered.

  “Ah, I see. What has my dear friend done that has you so focused on her?”

  I didn’t answer Jack knowing his loyalties lied squarely at Ada’s feet instead of mine. I had no fantasies that anyone was on my side in this.

  “She looks good for a woman who was gone for weeks. Did she tell you where she was?”

  I shook my head.

  “I think the volcano was good for her.”

  “Volcano?” I blurted.

  Jack grinned that damn smile that said he knew I was thirsty for any bit of information I could get about her.

  “She said she spent some time at the volcano. A friend has a house or something. She was relaxing and enjoying her time there. Went to the spa and hiking and got her head on straight from what she told me. I wonder what had her so twisted up. Any ideas, Kapena? Because I’m thinking it wasn’t David.”

  “Screw you, Jack.”

  “Be careful. I might take you up on that,” Jack joked.

  I rolled my eyes at him and walked away. The volcano. Ada spent weeks at the volcano. With a friend. Who was the friend? David? Jack didn’t say that, but maybe she was. Was she fucking him while she was trying to figure out how she felt about me?

  No. I shook my head. I had no right to be upset with her. If she was there with David, she had every right to be. He was her boyfriend.

  “You okay?” Sawyer asked as he walked past me, camera in hand.

  I nodded and kept going. I needed a break from watching Ada and disappearing seemed to be the only way to get it.

  The water lapped gently at the shore, tempting me in ways only the ocean or a woman could. I kicked off my shoes and stepped into the water. Just the feel of it hitting my skin calmed me. I took a few steps into the surf, the familiar pull sinking in deep.

  Surfing was a way of life in Hawaii. Everyone surfed. It was the way I connected with my father as a kid, and a source of contention when I grew up. It became one of the few things I was able to hold on to after he died. We didn’t live a lavish life growing up. My parents worked hard, but Hawaii was always expensive. Surfing was cheap, though. All you needed was a board and a beach. So we surfed.

  Standing in the water reminded me of my parents. They were out there somewhere, entombed in a plane at the bottom of the ocean. It killed me to know they died that way, but they were together, and that would have made it easier on both of them.

  Nothing about losing them was easy on me. Not getting the phone call that they were gone, or telling Kiki, or dealing with everything that came with the responsibility of being the only adult left in our family. I never regretted the choice I made to give up my shot at being a pro surfer to take care of Kiki, but I’ll never stop regretting how I left things with my father the last time we spoke. Right before he got on the plane.

  In my darkest moments, I wondered if I would have been good enough for Ada if they’d survived and I’d made it as a pro surfer, but I’d never know the answer to that question.

  “What are you doing down here?” Ada asked from behind me.

  I spun to face her, taken aback once again by how beautiful she was. The moonlight reflected off her silver gown. Shadows accented her curves, curves I wanted to trace with my fingertips, and my tongue. Her hair blew in the breeze, whipping back from her face to expose her neck to me.

  But above all was her eyes. Those eyes drew me in as they always did. My mother used to say she could see the truth in our eyes and knew when we were lying. With Ada, I could see everything in her eyes. Love, heartbreak, a future, a past.

  “I’ll go,” she said, turning to walk away and breaking the connection that rendered me mute.

  “No, don’t.”

  She turned slowly and met my gaze. Her arms crossed over her chest, waiting for me to say something.

  Except I had no idea what to say. I just didn’t want her to go.

  She huffed, dropped her arms, and stormed off, leaving me on the beach.

  I rolled my eyes at myself and chased her back to the party. By the time I got there, she was sitting at a table with another guy, looking far too cozy for my conscience.

  I huffed out a deep breath and headed for the bar. The party was winding down. Kiki wouldn’t mind if I had a drink.

  “You still working?” Alvin asked when I leaned against the edge and asked for a beer.

  “Yeah, why?”

  “Kiki said not to serve anyone during work hours.”

  “Even me?”

  Alvin shrugged. “Sorry, dude. She’s the boss.”

  I groaned and pushed away from the bar. Nothing was going my way.

  An hour and no alcohol later, the bride and groom finally headed to the limo waiting for them. They were both smiling, and walking, which meant the night was a success. Kiki would be happy. And maybe let me finally have a drink.

  “Can you stay and clean up?” Kiki asked when she appeare
d at my side. “Usually the waiters help out, but if you’ve got to run, I can handle it.”

  I shook my head. “I can help. Can I get a beer first?”

  “If you get hurt, it’s my ass, so no.”

  “You’re joking, right?” I asked.

  “Hey, Kiki,” Ada interrupted us. “I’m going to head out, okay?”

  Kiki smiled at Ada and nodded. They hugged, exchanging whispers that left them both smiling sadly.

  “Say hi to David for me,” Kiki said as Ada released her.

  Ada nodded. “I will. I’ll see you soon.”

  Ada walked away without a glance at me. She held her head high, but I could see the tension in her shoulders. It killed me that she was so upset, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

  But another man would.

  I tossed and turned all night, every time I closed my eyes imagining another man bringing Ada to a finish I’d never see in real life.

  By the time I fell asleep, the sun was up, which left me in a crappy mood when I hit the beach for a lesson later that day.

  “Hey,” I grumbled to the guy straight out of the midwest. I’d done enough lessons with enough grooms that I could pick out where they were from by what they wore to surf.

  This guy, with his slightly balding dark hair, bushy eyebrows, and Hawaiian shirt that hung loosely off his slender frame, screamed midwest. He had the classic pasty skin that one only got from a life spent indoors in a place that didn’t offer endless sunshine. My money was on him being an accountant, and if the pink nose and boat hat on his head was any indication, he hadn’t traveled much.

  “Hi! I’m George. Are you Kapena?”

  He pronounced my name like I was hispanic instead of Hawaiian, rolling his n until it sounded more like a y. Definitely midwest. And wanting to fit in. Twenty bucks said he’d say mahalo after the first instruction I gave him.

  “It’s Kapena,” I corrected him. “Nice to meet you. Come on in, and we’ll get you a board and head out back.”

  “Oh, here? I didn’t realize we’d be surfing here. You live on the beach?” He walked past me, his eyes glued to the sapphire paradise just past my lanai.

  I was a lucky son of a bitch. And I knew it.

  “I do. It’s convenient since you have a place to park that you can plug into your phone, and I don’t have to leave to go to work. Are you ready to go?”

  He finally tore his eyes from the water and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. Go where?”

  I nodded toward the hallway that led back to my guest room, also know as surfboard heaven. I had boards to fit just about anyone who came to me for lessons. Since locals had their own boards, I mostly stocked boards that were good for beginners. Wide, long boards to make sure they could catch a wave and stay slow. The last thing I needed was a newbie flying toward the shore and no idea how to stop, or an unhappy customer who spent all day on the water and didn’t snag a wave.

  Happy surfers liked to throw in a little extra in tips. I liked happy surfers.

  I found a board that would work for George and rolled my eyes when he threw out mahalo. He wasn’t a bad guy. A little dull for me, but I wasn’t the bride so it didn’t matter.

  We started on the beach, making sure he knew how to get his feet under him if he actually caught a wave. It would end with a wipeout, but he’d love it.

  “Did you bring a rash guard?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “This is all I have,” he said, patting his shorts. Thank God they were shorts and not bikinis. Bikinis only belonged on a hot woman.

  “I have something you can borrow if you want. Your chest and stomach will hurt like hell if you don’t cover it up.”

  George eyed me carefully. If I didn’t know better, I’d think the dude was checking me out, but nope. He was just trying to figure out how my 6’6” frame, broad shoulders, and pecs that made the ladies drool would ever fit his 5’9” body that came with more pouch than pecs.

  “I have different sizes. I keep them in case someone doesn’t have a guard.”

  George smiled, shaking his head. “That makes more sense. Only in Kerry’s dreams would I ever fit into the same clothes as you.”

  I laughed with him knowing his bride was madly in love with him if they came all the way to Hawaii for the wedding. Sure, people got married for the wrong reasons every day, but they didn’t drop the kind of cash you needed to have to get married in my backyard.

  And if that wasn’t a big enough clue, it was that George was with me instead of following his bride around to make sure she didn’t screw some other guy while they were in paradise.

  Nope, George had nothing to worry about.

  “Kiana’s told me you two are perfect for each other. No reason to think she’d ever fantasize about any guy but you, dude.”

  George’s eyes lit up at my compliment. We all had those moments, but George was about to get married. My personal opinions about marriage didn’t come into play. He was psyched about it. And he should be.

  Better him than me.

  We headed into the water and got George ready to go. He followed directions well, taking off when I told him to go. Ninety minutes into his lesson, though, and he still hadn’t caught a good wave. He had a few little ones, but nothing that blew my skirt up. I wanted to see George fly.

  “I’m not doing it right,” he lamented when he joined me again. “I keep missing it.”

  “Nah, you’re doing great. I’m holding you back too long. We’ll get the next one.”

  We were both frustrated, but I had to keep my spirits up so he didn’t lose his patience. He was going back and telling his bride he kicked some wave’s ass if it killed me.

  I glanced behind us and saw a sweet set rolling in. My mouth watered at the idea of taking it, but I was there to do a job. And stealing a killer wave from under my client’s nose wasn’t it.

  “Get ready, George. This is your wave.”

  “You said that last time,” he complained as he turned his board.

  “I know. I was wrong. This one was made for you.”

  The added compliments worked wonders. George licked his lips and gripped the edge of his board. I held the tail in place, waiting until it was just right. George didn’t even bother to look behind him, just trusted me to tell him when to go.

  When I shouted and gave his board a shove, he took off. That mother fucker paddled like Jaws was on his ass. I yelled, watching as the wave drew closer to him, until he disappeared in front of the swell.

  I held my breath, knowing he was on his own now. Either he caught the wave and was riding it to shore, or he was under the water and trying to find the surface.

  Endless seconds ticked by as the wave crashed in on itself.

  Then I saw him.

  He was crouched low on his board, the wind blowing his hair back.

  “Stand up!” I yelled as loudly as I could.

  He jumped up, pushing with his legs and arms simultaneously like I taught him.

  Then he was surfing. Holy fuck he was surfing!

  “Woohoo! Hell yeah!” I shouted.

  A wave was coming up my ass so I paddled like hell and just barely caught it, carrying me toward George. He stood in the knee deep water beaming.

  “That was awesome,” I shouted as I dropped to the sand next to him.

  We slapped hands and I pulled him in for a bro hug. I was proud of the dude.

  “I’ve never felt that excited in my life. That was amazing. I thought I was going to throw up when the wave caught me. It was just like you said. Like someone shoved a rocket up my ass. I wanna do it again.”

  I grinned and nodded toward the vast sea.

  “Let’s do it.”

  George finally went back to his bride an hour later than he was supposed to. We had to wait for another perfect wave, which took a little longer than it should have. After his one amazing ride, he kept dropping off the waves. He took a few hits, but he was thirsty for more. So we waited.

  He left with a smile and a fe
w hundred bucks less in his wallet. I didn’t mind the extra tip he gave me. He was a fun guy to spend the day with.

  As the sun started to sink into the ocean, I cooked some dinner and sat on my lanai, staring at the water. I still hadn’t wrapped my mind around Ada being back. Or the facts that she was at the volcano for weeks and still had her boyfriend. None of it made sense, especially when she all but said she was done with me.

  It didn’t matter, though. She wasn’t mine and never would be.

  I finished my beer and glanced over at my board. The foam was probably dry, but I didn’t want to take any chances on it. I could wait another day before I started slicing away chunks to create the perfect shape.

  My house was quiet when I went inside. The quiet never bothered me, but I always had my sister. Kiki spent the night with me more often than not before Sawyer moved in. When she asked if she could let her new photographer live with me for a little while, I never imagined he’d become the one man who was more important to her than I was.

  I didn’t resent that, not even a little, but I missed my sister sometimes. Hell, I missed Sawyer, too. He was a great guy. Good for Kiki. He brought her back from a place I hadn’t even realized she’d gone. He was there for her when I couldn’t be, in ways I couldn’t be. And he loved her.

  He was a lucky son of a bitch.

  They were both lucky.

  Nah, that wasn’t even true. They deserved it. They deserved each other. I was the son of a bitch who didn’t deserve a relationship. Or happiness. Or love. That was the biggest one.

  Chapter Three

  Kiki called me a few days later with an invitation to George and Kerry’s wedding. Apparently, when George found out I wasn’t going to be there, he asked Kiki if I could come.

  It wasn’t the first time it had happened, but it always made me grin when one of the grooms asked me to come to the wedding. Especially one that I really liked.

  I was more than a little curious about George’s bride. I donned my wedding outfit, khaki shorts and a nice button down shirt that Ginny said looked hot when she bought it for me, and headed over to watch George marry his perfect woman.