Lush & Lovely (Big & Beautiful Book 2) Read online

  I wanted to argue with him, to tell him I wouldn’t, but I knew it wasn’t any use. He was just saying that so he didn’t have to tell me the truth. I was fun to kiss, but he didn’t want to see me naked. Message received.

  “Well, then I guess you better go,” I said harshly. I crossed my arms over myself in an attempt to block… I don’t know. Him. My feelings. My body. Maybe all of the above.

  “Claire…” Aidan started. He looked like he was trying to figure something out, trying to decide how to fix things, but it was too late. I was done with him.

  Aidan moved to the door. He patted Brownie on the head then turned the knob. He turned back to me and I sucked in a breath, waiting for whatever final blow he was going to deliver. He just shook his head and stepped out the door. It closed behind him with a soft click.

  I locked the door and collapsed in my bed, trying to forget the way his body felt pressed against mine.

  ~*~

  A few days later and I was back to work. I hadn’t heard from Aidan, not that I expected to. He’d flat out rejected me and there was no reason for him to call me. Maybe that was the biggest reason I was dreading going into work. It wasn’t just that I didn’t want to see him, it was that I could no longer see him as my friend. He’d become just another jerk in my world. A jerk who toyed with me then pushed me aside when I finally let him in.

  How could I have been so stupid?

  I pushed into the meeting room and found everyone else already there. “Finally,” Jenn sighed. “Aidan won’t tell us anything about what happened when he took you home the other night. Are you two finally together?”

  I scoffed at her, laughing like it was the funniest thing I’d heard in a while. “Oh, Jenn, that’s rich. No, see Aidan didn’t tell you anything because there’s nothing to tell-“

  “That’s what I said,” he interrupted me.

  I glared at him before turning back to Jenn. “There’s nothing to tell because Aidan isn’t interested in me. I basically threw myself at him and he calmly rejected me, giving me some line about not wanting to take advantage of me when I’d been drinking. Aidan gets to look like the nice guy in the story and reject the fat chick without seeming like an asshole for doing it.”

  Jenn glared at Aidan on my behalf and Nicole did the same. Bob just sat there with his mouth hanging open. I flashed Aidan, who looked furious, a brilliant smile then went to get my coffee.

  “That’s not true,” Aidan growled as I poured my coffee.

  “What’s that? That you rejected me or that I threw myself at you? Because I was pretty drunk but I sobered up in a hurry when you kissed me. Not that it mattered a bit,” I replied with a sugary sweetness I didn’t feel.

  Jenn, Nicole, and Bob watched us like we were a tennis match, their heads swinging side to side with our comments.

  “None of it is true. I was trying to be a gentleman by stopping you, stopping us. You knew how much I wanted you. Everyone in this room knows how much I want you. They’ve been calling me on it for months. Do you really think all that would go away in one night?”

  I shrugged because I didn’t have an answer and I didn’t trust myself to say something. The intensity in his eyes, the craziness was borderline terrifying. He looked like he was going to lose it, and I wasn’t planning to be in the path of that destruction.

  Before he could argue more, Miriam walked in and got our shift started. Without anything to report, she sent us on our way to work. Aidan and I were stationed behind the x-ray machine together again and for once I was dreading the day.

  As soon as we were in the hallway, Aidan grabbed my elbow. “I’m sorry I upset you. I was trying to do the opposite and obviously failed. I have to ask though… Would you have regretted it? If I’d stayed?”

  “Hell yes, I would have. You’re a jerk. You’ve made it clear you don’t want me so all it would have been was a pity fuck or something. I don’t need your pity. I get asked out all the time and I don’t need you making me feel like I’m not worthy of sex.”

  I shook my arm free when I finished talking and left him standing there. He was right, I would have regretted sleeping with him. It didn’t really matter though because I regretted letting him drive me home, having him help me play pool, and kissing him, too. The regrets were growing by the minute where Aidan Matthews was concerned.

  I got to my station and Aidan was there a few seconds behind me. I didn’t look at him or let him see how much he’d hurt me. I’m sure my words were enough of an indication, but I wasn’t going to let it show. I had to just stay strong for the rest of our shift and then I could wallow for the evening. Alone, well, except Brownie.

  The click of heels on the vinyl floors leading to the security checkpoint alerted me to people heading our way. Of course, the first one was Zoey. Her chocolate hair floated behind her as though she was carrying a portable fan. Her liquid brown eyes sought out Aidan and locked onto him, not looking away. Her boobs were on display, as usual, in another fitted white button down shirt and black pencil skirt, her standard outfit, that highlighted her tiny waist.

  I wanted to knock her off her five inch heels and down to earth, but it didn’t matter. She and Aidan were perfect for each other, gorgeous and not worth my time.

  “Hi Aidan,” she cooed as her purse went through the x-ray machine. I watched the images on my screen, disappearing behind the display so the two of them could flirt.

  “Hi Zoey,” Aidan said. His voice was friendly, familiar. Like they had a secret they shared. Probably something they only taught beautiful people, like a secret language. It must be a college course or I would have learned it in high school.

  “What are you doing this weekend? A friend of mine is having a party and I wanted you to come with me,” she leaned over the belt, her breasts practically falling out of her shirt. I could only guess what sort of party her friend was having, and it most likely involved as little clothing as possible and a guaranteed hook-up afterward.

  “I’m busy, Zoey, sorry.”

  She pouted and tried again. “Are you sure? I’d love to introduce you to my friends. I’ve been telling them about the hottie I work with. They’re going to think I made you up.” She laughed at her own joke, if that’s what it was, and flashed her boobs again.

  I wanted to throw up.

  “I have plans Zoey. And I don’t know why you’d be telling your friends about me. It’s not like we’re together. I’m with Claire.”

  “What?” I stammered without thinking. Why the fuck was he telling her we were together.

  Zoey turned to me as if she hadn’t noticed I was standing there. Her eyes scanned me and a snarl curled her lips into a nasty smile. “Why would you want to be with her? Plus, she looks a bit shocked by the news. Are you sure she knows you’re together?”

  Tears pricked my eyes and a lump wedged itself into my throat. I just looked away, not willing to engage with her. I’d learned the best thing was to just blend into the background. That way I’d get the least attention.

  Plus, kicking her ass at work was sure to get me fired.

  I felt Aidan’s eyes on me, looking me over, seeing what Zoey saw. I always knew he would eventually get bored with me and go back to the women I was sure he’d always dated, the women that looked like Zoey. The corner of his mouth turned up when he looked back to Zoey and said, “We had a little lover’s spat, but it’ll work itself out. As for liking her and not you, well I guess it’s a good thing I like women that are comfortable with their bodies. I couldn’t ever see myself with someone like you, Zoey. I want a woman I can share a steak with and then a carton of ice cream, but I want to know she’ll still be in my bed when morning comes instead of at the gym working off the food we ate. I want a woman who’ll let me help her work it off in bed, but instead of thinking of it as exercise it’s just really hot sex. That’s why I’m going out with Claire this weekend, if she’ll give me another chance. But if she doesn’t, I’ll keep trying until she does. No matter what though, I won’t b
e going out with you.”

  Zoey’s squeak of indignation was hilarious. A bubble of laughter burst from my lips as she carried away her Gucci purse. She didn’t look back as she stalked off to her gate, making it clear she wouldn’t be trying again with Aidan.

  “You know you just missed your chance with her. She was ready for you and you pissed her off.”

  The corners of his mouth dropped and his eyebrows pulled together. “Didn’t you hear what I told her? I don’t like women like her. I don’t want to spend my time with someone who’ll complain about everything she eats and makes her life, and mine, miserable. I want a woman like you who packs mac n cheese for lunch and a candy bar, or a turkey sandwich stacked high with meat and cheese with a few slices of lettuce and tomato because they taste good, not because you have to have the healthy crap. I’m not looking for arm candy, I’m looking for a woman who loves candy.”

  I had no idea how to respond to him. Was he serious? It didn’t seem like a joke, but a man as hot as Aidan couldn’t possibly want to be with me. He’d rejected me, right? Unless he was telling the truth and just wanted to wait until we were both ready and not sleeping together because I was too drunk to stop it.

  Fuck, I’d screwed up. He really was the nice guy I’d always thought he was. And he’d just pissed off a sure thing to prove it to me. Yep, he liked me.

  I still didn’t know why, but I couldn’t focus on that. It was too much to consider.

  Passengers started to come through our line and I pushed aside Aidan’s insistence that he was looking for someone like me. Maybe after work I could try to talk to him, but it wasn’t the time or place while we were so busy.

  Nine

  By the time work ended I talked myself out of talking to Aidan. I wasn’t ready for it. His declaration kept bouncing around in my head. I had to ask myself more than once if I’d let something pass that I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t a good day with him by my side and me wondering if he was telling the truth about the woman he wanted.

  I grabbed my stuff and headed for the door, hoping to make it out of there without facing anyone. I knew Jenn or Nicole would push for more details about Aidan, Bob would leave me alone, but Aidan would corner me.

  Too bad the one I was desperately trying to avoid was leaning against my car when I got to it. “How did you get out here so fast?” I asked, almost to myself.

  Aidan smiled and ducked his head, looking down at his shoes for a second then back up at me. His chocolate brown eyes sucked me in instantly and I wanted to forgive him for walking out on me, and invite him back for another try. He was way too hot for my own good.

  “I figured you’d try to sneak out without talking to me. You barely spoke to me all day and I wanted to talk to you, so I came here straight from the checkpoint.”

  “Oh,” I said lamely. I didn’t know what to say. Why was he there? That’s what I really wanted to know.

  “Can I take you out tonight? For dinner. A proper date. I want the chance to explain again what was going through my head, and beg for your forgiveness.”

  “Honestly, I’m exhausted. I need to get home to Brownie and then I think I just need a quiet night.”

  “Sounds perfect,” he grinned.

  Somehow he thought I invited him to join me. All I had to do was open my mouth and correct him. I was shocked when I heard myself say, “I’ll see you soon.”

  He grinned and turned to leave. “I’ll bring dinner,” he shouted over his shoulder as he walked away. I got the feeling he knew I would change my mind if he hung around too long. The truth was, I didn’t know if I was going to be able to say no to that man. And I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

  I volleyed somewhere between terrified and excited as I drove home. I ran up the stairs to my apartment and dropped my purse and keys at the front door, stripping as I headed toward the shower. I let the hot water run over my body and wash away the grime of the day. You wouldn’t think I’d get that dirty working inside all day, but I always felt like I needed to shower. If only to wash the stink of sweaty passengers from my nose.

  I jumped out of the shower feeling much better and tugged on clean clothes. Since we were just hanging around, I didn’t feel the need to dress up. In grey cotton shorts and a navy Erie University t-shirt I picked up my apartment, or at least the living room. I picked up Brownie’s leash as someone knocked on the door.

  Aidan was on the other side, grinning like he’d won a prize when I opened the door. “Sorry, I haven’t taken Brownie out yet. You can hang out while I take him.”

  I stepped back for Aidan to walk inside. He headed straight for the kitchen, visible from the front door of my small apartment. “I’ll come with you, if that’s okay. Let me just set this stuff down.”

  I waited at the door for him and Brownie nearly knocked him over when Aidan walked back outside with us. Aidan took the leash while I locked the door and then we headed down the stairs and over to the dog walk.

  Standing inside the gate I couldn’t help but think of our first kiss, delivered in almost the exact same spot that I stood again, nearly two weeks later. Aidan looked at me and grinned, “This is one of my favorite spots in the world.”

  “Why is that?” I asked, playing dumb, just in case he wasn’t thinking about the same thing I was thinking about.

  “Because it’s the spot I was in when I finally got the chance to kiss you. I still feel like a jerk for not saying anything to you the rest of the evening. I… shit. I’ve never felt like that after kissing someone.”

  I laughed softly, happy to hear his admission of the same feelings I’d had. I was done with the games we weren’t playing, but felt like they were there between us.

  “I don’t play games, Claire. I hope you know that. It was shitty of me to not call you, or not say anything that night, but I wasn’t trying to screw with you. I just felt like we’d said all we could say with that kiss. Nothing else seemed anywhere near good enough to follow it up. And Saturday? I would have been taking advantage of you if we’d slept together when you were drunk. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d let it continue. I wanted you, I always do, but not like that. I didn’t mean to hurt you though. That’s never my intention.”

  I smiled as I watched Brownie dig around in the dirt. I loved how well Aidan could articulate his thoughts. Strangely they were my thoughts, too. Both of us connected and indescribably linked.

  “I felt the same way. I did worry, though, that you’d changed your mind about me after you kissed me. When I didn’t hear from you, I told my friends you weren’t really interested in me. And again on Saturday when you left.”

  “Oh, God, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. That wasn’t the case at all. I was working third shift and getting home in the middle of the night then sleeping most of the day. I kept thinking I should call you or text you before I went into work each night, but I was afraid you would think I was being overbearing. We’ve never really kept up with each other’s schedules and I didn’t know if you’d want to know what was going on. But I don’t want to hurt you. We need to be honest with each other going forward.”

  I laughed at the stupidity of our first few weeks as… hell I didn’t know what we were. “It’s okay. We’ll figure this all out, figure out what to tell the other. I guess first and foremost we’re friends. We need to keep that in mind, not forgetting that we care about each other because we’re good friends, before we’re anything else.”

  Aidan looked at me then let his gaze drift to Brownie. We both watched him across the lawn as he sniffed around the ground near the back fence. I knew he was looking for a spot to poop and was less than happy to be dealing with that in front of Aidan. It wasn’t really a good topic for first dates.

  “Do you only want to be friends with me?” Aidan asked quietly.

  I was so shocked by his question that my head swung toward him faster than it should have. My vision swum and I got a little dizzy. I closed my eyes briefly and reached for him, grabbing a
hold of his bicep while my equilibrium returned.

  Aidan’s hand gripped my elbow and his other hand wrapped around my waist, holding me to him. I finally opened my eyes and found myself looking into his brown ones. “Are you okay?” he asked, concern painted on his face.

  “Sorry, I just turned my head too quickly. Were you serious? Your question?”

  Aidan released me and walked a few feet away. He looked out across the yard and watched as Brownie squatted and pooped on the lawn. I cringed and shook my head.

  “I don’t want to push anything on you, Claire. If you only want to be friends, I’ll back off. I want to be something more than friends with you, but the way you were talking it sounded like you want to be just friends.”

  I shook my head even though he wasn’t looking at me. Brownie trotted away from his pile on the grass and I went over to clean it up, tying the bag before dropping it into the trash can. When I walked back over to Aidan I stepped in front of him, forcing him to look at me.

  “I’ve never believed in love. My parents have a great marriage, but I’ve never seen love as something fair and equitable and true, at least not for me. The only thing I do believe about love is that being friends helps to make sure a relationship keeps both people from doing things they shouldn’t do. I do like the idea of being something more than friends with you, but I don’t have a lot of experience with relationships. Chances are your interest will fade quickly.”

  Aidan looked angry, furious even. His eyes blazed and his fists clenched at his sides. “I know we can’t ever predict the future, but I’ve wanted you since we met. I’ve been trying to get to know you so we could be friends and hopefully one day be lovers. My interest in you has only gotten stronger over that time, not weaker. I would never hurt you.”

  “Please don’t be angry with me,” I whispered. My eyes were glued to his fists, still clenched at his sides. I knew I could scream and draw the attention of my neighbors if he swung at me, and hopefully Brownie would attack him, but I also hoped it wouldn’t come to that.